Being Dismissed or Gaslit by Your Doctor — How to Respond Professionally but Firmly

When Advocacy Starts in the Exam Room

Being dismissed, minimized, or gaslit by a healthcare provider is one of the most painful experiences a patient can have. It’s not just frustrating — it’s disempowering. You may leave feeling unheard, doubting your own symptoms, or questioning your right to speak up. But you do have that right.
And you can reclaim control — respectfully, clearly, and confidently.

Personally, I have been gaslit by medical providers for most of my life.  I have a genetic connective tissue disorder called hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS).  I started showing signs of hEDS when I was 2 years old when I dislocated my elbow multiple times within a year. I started complaining about back pain when I was 4 or 5 years old. Every doctor, provider, and specialist told me that it was "all in my head," "it's just growing pains," "everyone experiences the same thing," and that I "was normal."  I wasn't correctly diagnosed until I was 23 years old. By that time, I already had permanent damage to my joints and body. As a result, I decided to shift my career plans and became a Registered Medical Assistant so I could advocate for my patients and learn how to advocate for myself better. I still am gaslit from time to time and it has become a traumatic experience for me. Medical gaslighting is not only real, it is also traumatizing and counterproductive.  This is how to combat medical gaslighting:

1. Recognize the Signs of Medical Gaslighting

Medical gaslighting doesn’t always sound aggressive — sometimes it’s subtle. Examples include:

  • “It’s all in your head.”

  • “You just need to lose weight / reduce stress.”

  • “That’s not possible — I’ve never heard of that before.”

  • “Your test results are normal, so there’s nothing wrong.”

If you’re repeatedly dismissed or made to feel like your symptoms aren’t real, it’s time to shift from “patient mode” to “advocate mode.”

2. Pause, Then Reassert Yourself Calmly

If a provider dismisses your concerns, take a breath and respond in a composed but direct way.
You might say:

  • “I understand what you’re saying, but my symptoms are very real and impacting my daily life. I’d appreciate further evaluation.”

  • “I’ve done some research and would like to discuss possible explanations we may not have covered yet.”

  • “Can you please document in my medical record that I requested additional testing and it was declined?”

That last one often changes the tone quickly — it shows you know your rights.

3. Come Prepared with Documentation

Having a written list of:

  • Symptoms and patterns (onset, frequency, triggers)

  • Previous tests and treatments

  • Peer-reviewed research or guidelines relevant to your condition

…can keep the conversation factual and harder to dismiss. Bring a concise medical timeline or symptom tracker — these demonstrate that you’re informed and serious about finding answers.

4. Bring a Support Person When Possible

Sometimes, having another person present helps validate your experience and keeps the tone professional. A trusted friend, family member, or patient advocate can take notes, ask clarifying questions, or gently redirect the conversation if it becomes dismissive.

5. If Needed, Escalate or Switch Providers

You deserve compassionate, evidence-based care.
If you continue to feel unheard:

  • Ask for a second opinion or a referral to a specialist.

  • Request your full medical records (you have that legal right).

  • Consider filing a patient experience report with the clinic or hospital.

It’s not “being difficult.” It’s protecting your health.

6. Reframe the Power Dynamic

Remember: you are the expert on your body. Your doctor is the expert on medicine. You both bring essential knowledge to the table — and the best care happens when both voices are respected.

7. Example Script

“I respect your expertise and appreciate your perspective. However, I know my body and these symptoms are not normal for me. I’d like to continue investigating until we have an explanation. Can we work together to find the next step?”

8. The Takeaway

Advocating for yourself isn’t about confrontation — it’s about collaboration. But collaboration requires respect on both sides.
If your voice isn’t being heard, it’s not your job to be quieter — it’s your cue to speak a little louder, with calm conviction.


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